How Major Depression Strengthened My Practice and My Faith in God
My journey started with a fairytale-like courtship, engagement, and wedding to my Prince Charming. Eager to embark on our forever journey, we soon faced unexpected trials. Within weeks, my joy turned into a struggle. My extroverted nature was replaced by debilitating anxiety, making simple tasks feel insurmountable. This marked the beginning of my battle with major depression, a nameless monster that engulfed me in darkness.
As an extrovert turned introvert, I struggled with daily life. The weight of anxious thoughts led to physical changes, as I lost 25 pounds in a mere three months. Paralyzed by anxiety, I sought solace from God, only to be met with silence. Prayer felt futile, and hope seemed elusive. In the midst of despair, certain Bible verses offered momentary respite before the darkness returned.
My husband, my rock, stood by me through it all. Nights were filled with his comforting presence as he held me while I cried. However, neither of us knew how to battle the nameless monster that had invaded our lives and stolen our happiness.
This monster had a name: major depression. It didn't discriminate; it affected even successful people, educated individuals, doctors, and faithful Christians. As a medical student, I was familiar with the diagnosis, yet it took time for us to recognize it when it invaded our home.
Amidst the turmoil, thoughts of suicide consumed me. My husband, unaware of my internal struggles, decided to go hunting for a break. That day, anxiety escalated to a point where death seemed like the only escape from the darkness. Love for my husband became my lifeline, the only thing preventing me from acting on my suicidal thoughts.
I experienced a breakfast date with a friend named Steve that changed the course of events. Recognizing my desperation, he intervened, refusing to leave me alone until he was certain I was safe. It marked the beginning of my journey towards healing.
Over the course of nine months, a combination of scripture, medication, and counseling gradually brought me back to emotional health. Three major depressive episodes later, I finally received the correct diagnosis, appropriate treatment, and the counseling I needed.
This experience transformed me into a better physician and human being. Walking through depression allowed me to better understand and serve my patients who battle the same demons. As an emergency physician, I approach each patient with empathy, knowing that I, too, could have been in their shoes.
Depression also taught me to lean into the pain of others rather than shy away from it. I moved towards those who were hurting, striving to make a difference in their lives. Through this process, I learned the importance of regular check-ups and daily medication to maintain my own well-being.
As my understanding of God deepened, I realized that trials strengthen faith. Facing the depths of despair led to a deeper connection with God. Having journeyed through the darkest valleys and emerging on the other side, I now know that God is with me no matter the circumstance.
Despite my struggles, the chorus "Because He Lives" became my lifeline, reinforcing the power of faith in the midst of adversity. Through my journey with major depression, I've come to understand that life is worth living, and God's presence endures, even in the darkest of times.
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know, He holds the future. And life is worth the living, Just because He lives.
